Wrapping It Up

So many of us find ourselves struggling with things like exhaustion, chronic illness, anxiety, and depression when we are trying our damnedest to play the role we were assigned in someone else’s story by unconsciously denying and abandoning ourselves throughout life.

Picture this-

Derick, the head quarterback of your high school football team signs up for drama class. He’s never been into theater whatsoever, but he promised he’d do it just to make his mom happy. Now, unfortunately for him, the drama teacher’s son is also in the class, so guess who’s automatically getting the lead role? That’s right. Little Peter (that was not meant to be a cheap stab at poor Peter’s…peter, but I am acknowledging that there may be a subconscious slight there, so let’s just address it and move on.)

Peter is cast as the dashing heroic prince, so the only spot left for Derick is… the milk maid.

A 6’7 broad shouldered and stubbled milk maid, and as you could imagine, the costume doesn’t fit him so well. His feet have been killing him clompin’ around in those heels, but he hunches over and wears his costume with a smile and finds his humor in it the best he can. Keeping his back to the rear of the stage throughout the entire play cause God knows they’d never be able to zip that dress shut. He memorizes all his lines, prances about and does his ribbon dance waving it to his overjoyed mother in the crowd, and to Peter's horror, Derick steals the show by no malicious intent of his own, but simply by doing his best in an uncomfortable situation.

He built humor and resiliency rather than calling it quits and pouting.

Peter a representation of the Golden Child, sees this as a personal attack and absolutely detests Derick for stealing his spotlight. Making sure to tell him every night before the show begins, "No one came to see you Derick! You play the milk maid because your acting sucks and that's all they could find for you! Trust me, well all know that the audience is laughing at you not with you, so do yourself a favor and stick to your lines, and enough with the dancing and giggling...it's an embarrassment to our production..."

Wow...big words for such a small pet- I'm done. No more jokes from me. I digress-

SO! This is basically what we’re doing when we’ve tried our entire lives to squeeze into the roles given to us that may actually not fit us at all! Trying to keep everyone around us happy and keep things running smoothly as best we could.

We’re 6’7 Dericks playing milk maids! Holding limiting beliefs about ourselves that may have no truth to them whatsoever except that some angry Peter wants us to believe them. Not only can this cause us great discomfort, always feeling like we’re doing our best but constantly feeling like we don’t fit in, but it can also cause us great confusion. Because if we don’t know any different, if we’ve only ever believed this to be our one role… nothing in life ever quite works for us the way we want it to. Nothing quite fits. We can recite our lines and learn our dances perfectly but my God…we just don’t seem to attract what we actually want.

That’s cause we’re finding fixes and matches for the roles we’ve been playing and not for our true nature, our true selves.

So just like if Derek got some support panty ho’s and cushions for his feet, sure! That’ll bring him some comfort for an hour or so in those heels… but it won't last.

So many of us have tirelessly used method after method, mantra after mantra, and cleansing ritual after ever lovin' cleansing ritual to bring ourselves clarity and peace. But as long as we’re squeezing into an identity that doesn’t fit us in order to make others happy? As long as we're trying to match the unattainable perfection that we thought would make us deserving of love and inclusion? As long as we're holding painful beliefs about ourselves that keep us alienated and self-shaming? As long as we’re reciting lines that aren’t our own?

We’ll continue experiencing the same pain. We'll play the same wrong roles and find the same scrutinizing partners no matter how hard we’re trying to keep others happy and stay small.

So let this bring you a lil comfort and excitement for what’s to come. If you’re here, if you’re listening to or reading this course because you’ve tried every avenue, and nothing’s seemed to stick? This is probably why.

You’re a star quarterback playin’ a milkmaid.

You’re not busted.

You’re not broken.  

So often we’ve been doing the right things, just in the wrong direction. We’ve been seeking the right answers, but from the wrong perspective. Living for others rather than following our own hearts in order to bring healing.

I’m sure you know just as well as I do, we can’t give to anyone else what we don’t have in ourselves. We can't share directions to places we've never been. This is about giving up the martyr role, and learning to be honest with and accept ourselves so we can sincerely love and accept others, whether it’s up close or from a distance.